For the first time like ever, I’m actually trying to initiate conversation and be the one to start building the friendship. I’m always the one that sits back and waits for the other person to spark the fire, and after the ice is broken, I can carry on a friendship. I never make plans, I never contact people first. I’m the lazy bitch who waits for the other person to make the first move. It might be because I’m scared of rejection, but I learned that I gotta risk it if I want to create or maintain good and strong relationships with people.
Now that I’m trying to change that habit, I’ve realized how annoying and needy I must come off as, making pointless small talk, whining about little things, and telling “cool story, bro” stories. I find myself sounding more and more like an annoying little girl who’s constantly seeking for attention. Maybe it’s better if I return to my old ways, being the wallpaper rather than the pestering fly.
I suck at making friends. I’m such a socially awkward penguin.
And yes, I realize my analogies don’t make any sense at all. I’m tired.
This chick across from me has the highest voice ever. She literally sounds like she’s on helium. I can’t tell if it’s cute or not. Actually, the voice doesn’t suit her at all, so it’s not cute. Maybe I’m just hatin’.
Currently living off of half-conscious naps and 2-3 hrs of sleep at night this entire week. All-nighter tonight, finish the test (and hopefully rape it), finish all the hw due on Friday, teach Friday morning, and then I can sleep.
I don’t really know what it is. I can’t motivate myself anymore, and I just feel…off. That’s the only word I can think of. I feel like there’s a huge void in my life, but I don’t know what I need to fill it with. Getting into UH pharm? Acing my exams these next 2 weeks? Finding a job? A boyfriend? Whatever it is, I hope I get it soon so I don’t have to be so distracted and unmotivated.
I’m really scared this is my last semester here. Thinking of it like that makes me really sad. Really really sad.
On the brightside, I’ve been a lot better with making initiative in friendships. Hopefully something good comes out of this!
My impression of Amarillo has definitely flipped. I thought this city was boring, a hicktown, a bunch of nothingness. But I was completely wrong.
I love the night life here. I love the people here. I love the culture here. I love how close everyone is here. I love the community. I love the smallness. I love it here. I’m really glad I decided to do an interview here even though Texas Tech was my last choice. Now, it has moved up to my third choice maybe!
Interview in 4 hours. Shiiiiiit. Need to get some sleep. :(
“The great moments of your life won’t necessarily be the things you do. They’ll also be the things that happen to you. Now, I’m not saying you can’t take action to affect the outcome of your life. You have to take action, and you will. But never forget that on any day, you can step out the front door, and your whole life could change forever. You see, the universe has a plan, and that plan is always in motion. A butterfly flaps its wings, and it starts to rain. It’s a scary thought, but it’s also kind of wonderful. All these little parts of the machine constantly working, making sure you end up exactly where you’re supposed to be, exactly when you’re supposed to be there: the right place at the right time.”—Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother
While thinking of why I wanted to stay in Austin so much and getting advice from several friends, I realized that this past year, I really made some really good friends. It’s hard because friendships are always fleeting. It’s inevitable. But for the first time in a while, I’m extremely content with those I have in my life. I have some of the most genuine and supportive friends I could ask for, and I can’t thank everyone enough. Whether we’re extremely close or just friends, you guys have made such a huge impact on my life through listening to my rants, supporting me, and giving me advice. I notice every single small gesture too, and those truly make my day.
So here’s a huge thanks to everyone! If I really do go to pharmacy school next year, I’m truly going to miss you all so so much. :(
I’m going to send in my acceptance tomorrow along with $500, and I am not happy. Not the slightest bit excited that I am going to pharmacy school. In fact, I’ve been bawling my eyes out for a couple of days from the fact that I just can’t decide. I don’t want to go to school in Kingsville. It’s completely opposite from Austin, and I hate it. The town is tiny and silent. I can’t deal with it. I feel like I’m too young to be starting professional school, and I need more time in Austin. Looking back at just what has happened this semester so far and what happened last semester, I grew so much as a person. I need more time to do that. I’m not ready to grow up. I need one more year, but my parents just don’t understand.
I wish I applied earlier for Houston, and I wish I never applied to A&M and Tech in the first place.
If I ever needed anything more badly than ever, it’s now. Dear higher being, please please please let me get into UH. That’s the only way my parents and I can come to peace.
Texas A&M Kingsville Irma Lerma Rangel College of Pharmacy Class of 2015.
I don’t want to go and I am not excited. At all. I hate it already.
I am 19 years old, almost 20, and my parents still treat me like I’m 5.
If I want to go to out and it’s late at night, then I should be able to go out. I’m not going to sleep anyways if I stay home. Fine, you are worried about drunk drivers, but it’s a Monday night. Who is going to be drunk driving on a MONDAY NIGHT. Plus, it’s not like I’m going downtown or somewhere shady. I am just going to someone’s house.
If you can let Anthony go downtown and drink and drive, then you should be able to let me go to someone’s house to play games and shit. He is drinking and driving. I am playing games. Where is the sense in this.
It doesn’t matter that he’s older or that he’s a guy. When he was my age, he was able to do all the things I can’t do now. I can take care of myself and you know that too.
So you need to grow up and learn that I can do things myself. That I don’t need to always ask for permission or that I don’t need to have a curfew. This whole thing is fucking retarded and I’m fucking tired of dealing with shit like this.
“I miss that feeling when you go to sleep at night and when you wake up in the morning. Its the feeling that everything is all right in the world. You know that amazing feeling that you’re a whole, that you’ve got everything you want, that you aren’t missing anything. Sometimes when I wake up I get it for just a moment. It lasts for a few seconds but then I remember what happened, and how nothing has been the same since.”—Charlie St. Cloud (via poeticheartache)
I want a late night adventure. I want someone to call me up and say, “I’m outside. Let’s go do something!” I want to go out late at night in my pj’s and my hair all tied up. Maybe drive around. Go to a park and just swing on the swings. Maybe sit in the grass and watch the stars or maybe go to a 24 hour food place and pig out. I just want a late night adventure with people I like to be around. No drama. Nothing but good vibes and good company.