I'M ALICE.

I’ve been trying to think of cons about him to help me get over this whole thing. The pro side is too long. So far, the only things on my list are that he’s terrible with money and he’s terrible at responding. Now, I have another one. He’s absolutely one of the least caring people I know. Person I knew before, super sweet and nice. Person now, completely different. First of all, he won’t give me back my dad’s cameras. Then, I hear a story of how he borrowed $40 from his friend and hasn’t paid him back yet even though the friend has been trying to contact him for a long time. He’s been ignoring the friend’s calls. Now that’s just fucking rude. You don’t borrow stuff and keep it, especially with money.

I’m just shocked. What a bitch thing to do. Fine, be an asshole to me. But to a nice friend? My god, what’s wrong with you.

Children.

No matter how annoying they are and how much attention they need, I love kids and cannot wait to have them. Yeah, I’m too young to even be thinking about that kind of stuff, but I guess I got that motherly trait at an early age. My mom is principal of a Chinese summer program, and I had to help her take pictures of their performances. I teared up watching those tiny kids sing, and I don’t even know them. Imagine when I actually have my own kids. I’ll be freaking bawling at their performances.

Also, one of the most attractive qualities in a guy (at least to me): how he is with kids. Nothing is more heartwarming then seeing a guy be good with and have fun around little kids. Maybe it’s that motherly trait finding its fatherly counterpart…

How did I wake up at 2:30? Actually, my dad had to come up to me and wake me up. I really need to sleep earlier. Oh god, my mom is going to kill me when she gets home.

I was playing omgpop and I met a guy who goes to UT! What are the chances! I talked to him for a second, and then he ignored me. :(

How did I know he went to UT?

Because of the damn Jester room that was in the background of his pictures. The shelves, hugeass bulletin board, and gay pull out bed. I’m glad I’m not living there anymore next year. Then again, it was the perfect location for lazy people like me.

I was playing an online game (don’t laugh) and was talking to some people that was around my age or younger, and one of them kept going and going about drugs he has used and what not. He says some of them really messed him up, but then he goes to another and it’s just like wow, you did like every drug I could name off the top of my head and more. All I’m thinking is, how does this even begin? Is it really a peer pressure thing? Because all your friends are doing it, you have to do it to? Or you just do it because it’s “cool”? I’ve always wondered why people start doing these things in the first place. It’s sad because I just have to sit and watch some of my friends crash and burn. It’s also sad to know that doing drugs have become so common that it’s more of a surprise if you don’t do drugs.

Then I think to myself, will I ever be that girl that appears to never do drugs but ends up being peer pressured like everyone else? Oh god, I hope not. Actually, I know I will never be like that.

Do you ever just want to draw or write something whenever you have a Sharpie in your hand except you have no idea what to draw or write?

Well, I just got a 24 pack of pretty Sharpies just dying to be used, but I have yet a clue what to do with them. That along with my many blank canvases and unopened acrylic paints.

Come to me, creativity. Or at least give me motivation.

Yesterday was my brother’s birthday. He turned 17. His heart is so pure. It almost made me cry just to think of how selfish I am.

1. When asked if he wanted to eat anywhere special for dinner, he said he wanted to eat at home.
2. We were supposed to buy him an ice cream cake. He constantly denied wanting one. He said they were a waste of money and that we would do fine with my $3 homemade key lime pie.
3. He didn’t bring his mouse home from Denton (he’s doing research at UNT and lives there during the week) because he said that having a mouse means he can play StarCraft and other videogames and he wanted to spend time with the family on his birthday instead of doing just that.
4. He didn’t want any presents. He didn’t want anything special.

If it was my birthday, hell yeah I would want to have a special dinner, an ice cream cake, and spend time with my friends. Seeing him happy with just a simple day made me feel so guilty for that.

His friend, who doesn’t even live close to here, came to our house and dropped off cupcakes. I’m just going to say, cutest thing ever. It was homemade too. It came in I think 16 different red Chinese take-out boxes, each with its own cupcake. The cupcake had icing that looked like noodles and candle to appear like veggies.

How one of the cupcakes looked. Look how realistic that looks!

Overall, I had a lot of fun spending his birthday with him. We watched Toy Story 3 (first 3D movie I’ve ever seen!), which was really cute and made me cry at the end. We played a lot of Taboo too since I finally bought the game. Can you believe I spent $30 buying a freaking board game? My god.

I don’t remember much of it, but I remember I was with this chick who I’ve been suspecting has something going with him (pft “best friend” my ass). She was telling me how much she was “in love” with him. When I woke up, I was incredibly happy it was a dream. Too bad this “nightmare” could actually happen in real life. Actually, very likely to happen in real life.

Friends whose lives aren’t consumed by their boyfriends.

Why must all my closest friends be taken? I’m really happy for them, but it doesn’t make anything easier for me. They help me out so much, and I really appreciate them for that, but I know in their heads, they’re thinking “that really sucks for her, I’m glad I’m not in that position” or “I’m glad my boyfriend is amazing”. I need friends that can relate with me. I just need some single friends, honestly.

Speaking on the subject, another pet peeve: couples that spend every fucking second together.

I don’t know why no one has called me back. Specifically, I don’t know why Forever 21 hasn’t called me back. Even more specifically, I don’t know why Forever 21 at Collin Creek Mall hasn’t called me back. I freaking worked there two summers ago, and by the look of your little “now hiring” section, I know you guys are desperate. I even remember back when I worked there, people were always quitting and you guys were always hiring. PLEASE HIRE ME. I AM SO DESPERATE THAT I AM WILLING TO WORK MINIMUM WAGE AGAIN.

I went back to DSW to look at shoes, and I saw they were still hiring. I asked one of the sales associates if they reviewed my application, and she said they did, but since there are so many applications, it might be a while. I hope that’s not just a nice way of saying “we reviewed your application and it sucked”. PLEASE HIRE ME. I AM A SHOE LOVER. 

My friend posted a Craigslist ad on facebook for a penguin research job as a joke. Yeah, not taking it as a joke. So I emailed the person and hopefully I get a reply! The pay is pretty decent too, plus it’s research. Why in the world did I not think to look at Craigslist for jobs? I’m an idiot. PLEASE HIRE ME. I LOVE PENGUINS AND I HAVE RESEARCH EXPERIENCE.

As for the other 50+ locations that I applied at (not even kidding, I applied to way too many places), PLEASE HIRE ME. I NEED A JOB. NOW.

What do you do when someone who doesn’t talk to you anymore (and never fucking responds either) has something that you want back?

I mean, seriously, this whole “I’m going to pretend I didn’t get your text/message” is real immature. Let’s do this like adults and just give me back my stuff. Actually, my dead father’s stuff. Yes, I will pull the “dead father” card because I hope by then, your cold, careless heart MIGHT feel slightly bad for what you’re doing.

Because they were actually cute and good for each other. You could sit around for days and not think of one bad thing to say about them.

Speaking of break ups, is it just me or is it the summer of break ups? Where’s the summer of love?

In Legally Blonde, the salon lady/friend of Elle, Paulette Bonafonte, had her dog taken away by her ex-boyfriend when they split up. With the help of Elle, Paulette ended up getting her treasure back from her evil boyfriend.

This isn’t the same exact situation, but similar. He got really into photography, especially film photography. I remembered that my mom had a few film cameras sitting in the closet that she’s been wanting to get rid of. Wanting to help him pursue this new passion, I asked her if I could give them to him. She seemed a bit uneasy about it, but considering we had no use for them, she allowed. Before I handed the cameras to him, she told him that those cameras belonged to my dad. Before he passed away, photography was one of his biggest passions. He loved taking pictures, especially of the family. No wonder I never saw him in many pictures. Maybe his hobby got passed down to me. Anyways, those cameras had a lot of value to them, but I knew he was going to make good use out of them. He did, and I’m glad he did.

Well, obviously things have changed since then. Recently, I’ve been so angry and so sad. Both of these emotions combined results in something not pretty. Even though those cameras were a gift, they were my dad’s. Maybe I’m doing this just because I’m so angry at him, but I want those cameras back. My dad wouldn’t want some jackass to own his cameras. So I’m going to ask for them back, and after that, I’m done. I’m done trying to be his friend. Obviously, he doesn’t even give a shit about me anymore, so why should I? I’m tired of wasting my energy on something that’s dead, and I’m tired of looking like a pathetic loser in front of him. I’m not going to beg for your friendship anymore. You want things your way? You’ll get things your way, you selfish asshole.

So give me my dad’s cameras back. You don’t deserve them one bit.

I need to learn how to “not give a shit”.

The night before, I went with my dad to pick up and drop off some FOB chicks from Taiwan who are here for an internship. Actually, I just went with him because I needed to go to Walmart. Anyways, he’s a very shy man. He’s very conservative and very quiet, but he cares for us kids so much. He doesn’t really have the same kind of relationship that us kids have with our mom. It’s not his fault. Moms just have that side to them that make them more comforting to talk to about problems. It really makes me sad that I don’t have the same level of relationship with him (so sad that I teared up writing this post). He works at home, so he doesn’t really have a lot of human interaction. Basically, he doesn’t have a lot of friends. All he really needs is his family, and I’m going to try to be there for him more.

Anyways, going back to the story, since he’s really quiet, we don’t have a lot of conversations together, but during our car ride, we talked a lot. It was really nice actually. I’m glad we’re getting a lot closer this summer because I really enjoy spending time with him. I regret that I didn’t earlier on.

He loves bagels, especially Einstein’s, so I thought it would be sweet to wake up really early and surprise him with some. Too bad the last time I woke up at 7 was during the school year, and too bad I went to sleep at like 5. So yeah, totally didn’t hear my alarm go off. I’m going tomorrow to get him a late father’s day breakfast though, so that’ll make up for it. We gave him his gift later. We got him a Polo cap, Polo polo (hah), and a white dress shirt since he needed a new one. He really liked them, and seeing him happy made me really happy. We ate dinner at Mi Cocina, which is a big deal because we never really eat out and when we do, it’s always at cheap American buffets or Chinese restaurants. I had to pay the bill, and paying dinner for 6 people is not cheap at all. We ended the night with a movie.

Even though he’s not my biological dad, he’s been taking care of me even when I was in pre school. So dad, I’m sorry I’m not really good at showing you how I much I care about you, but you are truly the best dad ever. I love you.

(I really my posts are really long, but that’s just because I always have so much stuff to say!)

and I can’t wait to see the final product!

I miss art class. :(

I took a late Walmart run to get some ingredients to make some delicious keylime pie. As I was looking at some food, this guy came up to me.

Him: What’s your name?

Me: Uh…Alice.

Him: Well, I just wanted to let you know that you’re beautiful.

Yeah this happens a lot to a lot of people, but this really made my day. It wasn’t the usual “hay shawtie”. It was actual semi-sweet (and just a hint of creepiness).