TAMS gave me freshman 15 in an instant. It was like a week. Absolutely terrible. Even though I thought I gained more at UT, in November, I actually lost a little less than 10 pounds. I was ecstatic. Spring semester came, and once again, I thought I gained weight. I checked my weight during the beginning of summer and I lost a little less than 5 pounds. I was more than ecstatic.
Slowly, I’m still losing weight just by not eating as much, but I hate it. Though my stomach is flatter, I still have my back fat, my arm fat, and the worst of them all, my thighs. I swear, my thighs haven’t gotten smaller one bit. But the worst part of everything is that my boobs and my butt shrank. The one thing I loved about my body was that I had decent sized boobs and a “black ass”, but now, I’m just freaking flat all around.
So, at the end of the day, I’m still fat and now flat. FML.
I’m really glad I met you. Well, I never really met you before. We met on a game, as lame and gay as it sounds. For some reason, there’s something about not ever seeing you that makes me love talking to you. I can be myself and say whatever I want to say and know that you won’t judge me the same way that other people do. I’m glad (or I hope) you’re not one of those creepers that just wants to get in my pants and instead is just some ordinary guy (I hope) that just wants to get to know an ordinary girl like me. I’ll be honest, though, I lie to you sometimes. But then again, I’m sure you do the same to me.
Wow, like I haven’t mentioned him before in my tumblr.
There is so much I have to say to you. Actually, too much. I could say it all here, but the post would end up being way too long and I’m just too lazy to do it. I’ve been doing a lot better getting over you. Recently, I’ve just been pissed as hell at you. I still want my god damn cameras back, and you need to return your friend’s money to him that he kindly let you borrow. So, whenever anyone asks about you, I always tell them you’re a fucking douchebag. In all honesty, though, even though I mean it, I miss you a hell lot. It took me a long time to get to the point where I don’t want to try to win you back. Now, I honestly truly just want to be your friend again. The other day, I was looking at my keys and I saw the “BEST” keychain still on. I totally forgot about it. I wonder if you still have “BUDDIES” on your keys. I’ve been a lot happier recently, but things just aren’t the same without you. There is no one, literally no one, that I can be as open to as I was with you. At the beginning of summer, I started writing a last letter to you, but it’s still in the making as of now. I don’t know what I plan on doing with it once I’m done. Should I give it to you? Should I keep it? Gosh, writing this letter is making me tear up. I know you’re happier now without me, and even though I’m jealous of that, I’m happy for you. You were a great boyfriend, the best boyfriend I could ask for. I’m so worried to find another guy because I’m so scared he won’t be even close to your level and I’ll just keep comparing him to you in my head. Okay, this is getting long. I miss you a lot though, and as much as I hate your guts right now (especially since you BROKE ANOTHER PROMISE RECENTLY, betch), I really hope I can talk to you again.
Physically, I am not at the top. I am short. My thighs will always touch each other. I have rolls of fat. I have nasty acne. Sometimes, I’m told I have an annoying voice. Whatever it is that you want to judge me on solely by the outside, don’t. I know you can’t help it, but I promise you that I’m a warm person on the inside. I keep secrets. I will help you with whatever you need help on. Hell, if you want me to make you a sandwich, I will do that for you. I’m not very good at opening up to people. Even to my closest friends, I’m scared to just let everything go because I constantly have my guard up. If you give me the chance and the time, you’ll get to know me on a more personal level. So underneath all that loud, obnoxious self, there’s someone that really just wants to get to know you. Sit down at a coffee shop and just talk for hours and hours. That’s the one thing I love about relationships with anyone: the getting to know each other. So, please, put looks aside and give me a chance.
(In my head, I had a MUCH better letter planned out, but I couldn’t seem to put it in words…)
i miss talking to you. i miss telling you everything stupid about my day and my ridiculous observations about the world and having you tell me that i’m stupid and ridiculous. i miss the fact that i could tell you pretty much everything and that we knew what the other was thinking with one look. i…
Reposting because its as if you took the words right out of my mouth.
Thanks for always giving me something to think about when I wake up, except the moment I fall back asleep, I forget you again. I never seem to remember you much, which is sad because I want to remember you. I hate it when you make my imaginations come to life because then, they seem realistic, and waking up and realizing it was all just in my head makes me sad. I don’t know what else to say except to please give me some brilliant idea so I can invent something and become rich or give me a wonderful dream so I can wake up feeling like P. Diddy.
I’m writing to you particularly because you wrote about me. Thanks for being such an awesome brother. You’re always willing to help others, especially me, like tonight on my government homework, but sometimes, you really have too kind of a heart. You need to learn to man up and stand up for yourself. People see that you’re vulnerable and will take advantage of that. Aside from that, you also need to man up when it comes to girls. One day, you’re going to realize that your older brother and me won’t be there to push you anymore and you’re going to have to make the move yourself. Aside from all of that, you’re a really good brother and probably my closest sibling. From playing house, legos, and stuffed animals when we were younger to laughing at the same dumb jokes today, we never fail to have a good time together. See you later in like 2 hours when I have to endure Denton traffic to get you. Also, we’re getting some Suhkothai 2 when I get there.
UNLIKE KEVIN’S POST, I will write about how much I really appreciate you two. Honestly, after seeing my friends’ experiences with their parents, I’m really thankful that I have you two as mine. You guys aren’t so restrictive like other Asian parents but you guys don’t give us complete freedom like white parents do. I love the fact that you guys are in between because I honestly feel like I grew up to be a pretty decent child due to that. My morals would not be what they are if it wasn’t for the way you guys raised me. And mom, thanks for the body you gave me. Really. Even though I hate how I have your “nappy” hair and various other things, you gave me some boobage, a nice ass, but most importantly, good health. I see all my other friends constantly stocked up with meds and I’m so happy that I don’t need any of that because there’s nothing wrong with me. Thanks for being such incredible parents and putting up with me. Also, sorry we’re not very close anymore. It’s just that I’m older and therefore more independent. I still love you guys just as much though. I want to say more, but I’m tired, so the end.
Except I swear that I didn’t break it, or if I did, not knowingly.
My laptop has trouble charging. I can’t tell if it’s the actual AC adapter that’s messed up (I don’t think it is) or the power jack on my laptop that’s messed up (I think it’s that). When I plug in the AC adapter, it’s very loose in the jack and therefore only charges at certain angles that I have yet to figure out. It makes me sad because my former laptop got destroyed in every possible way and I swore that I would take care of this laptop extremely well. I really hope this isn’t my fault and I really hope my warranty covers it.
I don’t like you being my crush. At all. It’s absolutely completely dumb of me. But, you are my crush, and you know you are too. You’re probably going to be in a lot of these dumb letters, so I’m not going to say much here except that I need a new crush, which is why I can’t wait til the school year starts. In the past, I loved everything about you. Everything. Now, you’re a changed man, and those things that I loved are probably no longer there. I wouldn’t know though since we don’t talk. I really hope that we did. I miss talking to you and telling you all my dumb, boring, pointless stories that no one else will tolerate. Okay, I will say no more.
I hate that you live so far away from me and also how you go to school so far away. I see you like twice a year, but every time we reconnect, I feel as if we never left each other. Best friends come and go all the time, but I feel like with you, that’s not going to happen. You have taught me so much during our times together that you probably don’t even realize. You gave me strength to stand up for myself, something that no one can do as well as you. When I first met you, I thought you came off really strong, something that I wasn’t used to, but I learned that it was simply me who was too weak. You gave me confidence in myself when I needed it most, and you always listened to my constant rants. You’re one of the most honest people I met, and I really appreciate that. You’re not scared to tell me the truth about how you feel about things in my life, and though I might not like it, in the end, I’m really glad you do. We’re not the best friends that need to see each other every day or talk to each other all the time; we’re the best friends that are always there for each other, no matter what happens. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me in the past. I grew as a person because of you. In fact, it was because of you that I learned about true friendship and how to value those that mean something to me. I really hope I get to see you soon.
I feel like being in Austin most of the year, I should experience the musical aspect of the city and go to a bunch of concerts, whether I love them or just like them after hearing them once. I feel like not a lot of my friends have a big interest in music and if they do, their musical horizons are limited to a certain genre (like Kiss FM and pop music and such, not that I have anything against it). I really want to go to more concerts in the coming year and would love for someone to accompany me. Trouble is just finding that person.
The past 4 summers, I attended this camp called CYC (Chinese Youth Camp). When I became old enough to be a counselor/assistant counselor, I spent my summers preparing for this one week. The bonds I created with these people are unbreakable. CYC family is forever.
I didn’t go this summer because none of my friends were going back, plus my mom said it was too much money. I was supposed to be busy with a job, but obviously that didn’t happen.
I really wish I went. That might have been one of my biggest regrets of the summer. This summer just feels so empty without it.
Nothing major. I was backing out of my parking spot and all the sudden, BAAM. I honestly don’t think it was 100% my fault because she should’ve been looking too. Our bumpers are just sort of messed up, but other than that, everything’s okay.
I’m glad my little brother was there with me to calm me down. I’m glad my dad came to help me out. I just hate it when my older brother and mom has to yell at me. Yes, I get it, I wasn’t careful enough. Do you have to make things worse?
Biggest rush I’ve had in so long. Friday was the last day for normal registration for the PCAT. Well, too bad I remembered about it at like 11:45 PM. The entire time was just “fuck fuck fuck”. First, I forgot my username, so I had to search for that. Then, Google Chrome was not working, so I had to load up Internet Explorer, but then that wasn’t working either, so I had to wait for Firefox to load up. Then, the ONE testing center in Dallas is full, so looks like I’ll be taking the test in Austin on the 21st of August. Insert credit card information. Submit. BAAAM, 11:59 PM. Holy fuck.
I hope the application actually went through though. I’ll be pissed if it didn’t.
In places that I forgotten too. Pictures on the wall, pictures sitting everywhere, gifts he gave me, gifts I was supposed to give him, little memories of us, clothes that he gave me, etcetc. Also, the memory boxes sitting in my closet filled with 3.5 years of memories.
I need to get rid of them, but I can’t tell whether I’m just lazy or I’m just not ready to let go.
My friend, who I haven’t talked to in like a year, talked to me today and asked about me and him. We’re not very close friends or anything, but he talked to me about some of his personal problems last year. I told him that we weren’t together anymore, and he obviously wanted to hear more. So, I told him most everything, which I usually don’t when most people ask since it’s still a really touchy and emotional topic for me. He talked me through it a lot and at the end, even though I was once again left in tears, I felt a lot better knowing that he understood where I was coming from. It’s people like him that make me feel like everything’s going to be okay. Thank you for talking to me.